What is limerence?

Limerence is an intense emotional state that can become obsessive in terms of the intrusive thoughts and emotional swings that accompany it. It can be based on a romantic attraction to another person, which may or may not be sexual, but can be non-romantic and non-sexual, instead focusing more broadly on acceptance and reciprocation from the other person. It typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.

The concept was originally coined by Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book “Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love”.

Limerence can last anywhere from a few weeks to several years and can lead to significant emotional and psychological distress. Symptoms include intrusive thoughts, overwhelming fantasies, intense longing and desire for the subject of limerence (aka the limerent object, or LO), and feelings of euphoria when there is a real or perceived reciprocation of feelings by the LO.

Unfortunately, little research has been done on the subject of limerence treatments. However, there are established techniques in the fields of mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and other forms of therapy and reflective practices that can be drawn from to learn from the experience of limerence rather than be passively subject to it.

Symptoms

• Intrusive thoughts about the LO  

• Acute longing for reciprocation  

• Mood dependency on the LO's actions  

• Fear of rejection  

• Shyness in the LO's presence  

• Intensification through adversity  

• Acute sensitivity to any act or thought that can be interpreted favorably  

• An aching of the heart when uncertainty is strong  

• Buoyancy when reciprocation seems evident  

• A general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background  

• A remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative